“Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” – Proverbs 27:6
o’s I might be a right Johnny-Come-Lately ter all this, but I have been usin’ the term “frenemies” fer a bit now in referrin’ ter certain associative conditions I witness within my classroom populaces. Y’see, as there wuz when you wuz in the educational system (an’ in reality, I think it exists throughout any kind of system where groups of peoples gotter coordinate an’ cooperate with one another fer the supposed greater good), there is folks who is just plain at the bottom of the social barrel due ter their inability ter… lessee… shall we call it “giddy yup”?Yeah. You know. Them folks who, through whatever misfortunate set of circumstances that has done befelled them, just can’t seem ter get with the program an’ make it werk fer them. This could include everyone from them folks who’s gots an undiagnosed learnin’ disability of some sort (an’ some who’s right diagnosed but won’t utilize any of the measures available ter them ter cope with it) ter them kindsa folks that have just used their class clowniness ter manage ter get through what they perceive as a difficult and undesirable period of life.
The problem is that, typically, these students who’s done spent a lotter time tryin’ ter draw attention away from whatever it is they may be strugglin’ with, exercise their cover-up by pokin’ fun at and drawin’ attention towards other potential victims within the classroom environment. By the time these clowns get ter high school, however, they’s developed a keen radar fer them folks who is gonna ferret them out an’ try ter make them the focus of the joke, an vise versa, an’ instead of creatin’ some kinder takin’-sides feud, they kinder band together an’ create an’ odd relationship where each permits themselves ter be the laughin’ stock in a kinder takin’-turns basis. This way they lie ter themselves an’ make out that they is laughin’ tergether rather than at each other… it’s better ter be part of the joke than the butt of the joke, if’n you catch my drift.
You see ‘em in the schoolyard durin’ break periods. They don’t really have conversations with each other. They don’t really have anything to talk about since they don’t really actually give one doggone about what’s happenin’ with each other. They just wanner keep one another at bay so’s they don’t fall prey of bein’ in the outcrowd. So’s they stand around tergether, usually in a line with their backs ter a wall (practicin’ fer the police line-up, I ‘spose) lookin’ out inter the world tryin’ ter find targets they can agree as a group are worthy of their efforts to use as victims with which to draw attention away from their own perceived inanities.
Hence my labeling of them as “frenemies”. They ain’t really friends, but instead band tergether inter an uneasy alliance so they’s kin keep track of what the others are doin’ an’ not hafter worry ‘bout bein’ outcasts of some sort er another. A manifestation of that age old adage ‘bout keepin’ yer friends close but yer enemies closer, I ‘spose. Practicin’ fer the world beyond high school when they’s all gotter claw each other ter shreds in climbin’ some lamely conceptualized social ladder.
Anyhow, what spurred this here bit of musin’ wuz my sittin’ ‘round listenin’ ter an episode of “This American Life” one afternoon that actually focused on this idea of frenemies. There wuz some innerestin’ things this here episode brought up that are worthy of mention. One of them is that, apparently, the definition of the word as it is bein’ worked inter the English lexicon is done bein’ developed as a concept where people done associate on a regular basis with folks they’s feel ambivalent towards. “They” say that ambivalence seems to be the new route of human association as folks find themselves with fewer friendships outside the workplace an’ whatnot, an’ that 50% of the people an average person associates with on a regular basis are folks he or she done feels ambivalent towards!
Imagine that! 50% of the people we’s associate with regularly are folks we’s both like AND hate at the same time. No wonder society’s all screwed up as of late. Har har. But seriously, what a thing ter contemplate, hatin’ 50% of the folks you deal with on a regular basis, but havin’ ter like them at the same time, fer whatever the reason.
Accordin’ ter some study quoted in the episode, people walked around with blood pressure monitorin’ equipment on an’ it wuz discovered that when folks come inter contact with someone they’s ambivalent towards their blood pressure done raises more’n than when they come inter contact with someone they actually out an’ out hate. Logical, I ‘spose, but just imagine how stressed out yer gonner be if’n 50% of the folks you deal with on a regular basis create that kinda reaction in you. Doggone if’n that don’t rub my fur backwards!
The program also suggested that it ain’t as easy ter remove these here frenemy-istic ambivalent relationships from one’s life as it would seem. Apparently folks come up against a lotter external type barriers ter getting’ away from them, such as the fact they gotter work with said person, or as in the cases I see all the time, spend six hours a day in the classroom with ‘em. Also, it sez there’s internal factors of self-perception involved in gittin’ rid of them as well, such as people figurin’ they’s bein’ the bigger an’ better person fer goin’ on with toleratin’ the person who is drivin’ them batty, an’ also figgerin’ that the other person oughtter “man up” and break the doggone thing off themselves rather than makin’ it the victim’s responsibility.
Perty strange.
Anyhows, at this point I is just ramblin’. Just somethin’ ter think about. Frenemies. Apparently we’s all got ‘em.
Here’s the link ter the episode if’n yer innerested. I found the poetry bit which makes up the third chapter perty innerstin’. The feller sez that human beings is creatures of contact… an’ whether we’s “kiss or we wound” we’s gotter come tergether. Somethin’ ter think ‘bout, I ‘spose.
http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/389/frenemies
Yup.
-Squeezebox Sam
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