oday I wanner bitch about education. As some of you may know, I gots an alternative identity that I spend most of my time pretendin’ ter be. Y’know the case. Like Batman. When Batman ain’t busy bein’ Batman he’s this tycoon-ish feller named Bruce Wayne. Bruce Wayne is sorter Batman’s day job. It’s how he pays the bills he racks up while bein’ Batman. Me, I like ter strap on an accordion an’ aurally terrorize the general public as much as the next feller, but I gotter hold down a day job as well. All this accordion squeezin’ fer free don’t come cheap.So’s I teach. I teach fer the Los Angeles Unified School District California Babylon Babylon California
Now, these thoughts may be kinder scatterbrained. I dunno that I am even attemptin’ ter make a singular thesis. There’s just some things I been mullin’ over that I need ter get out of my head an’ out there inter the world. So don’t be lookin’ fer no logical an’ well thought out tour de force er nuthin’. I is just thinkin’. An’ sometimes that’s dangerous.
First of all, leastways I see it, if there’s a problem with education in Los Angeles Unified, it’s primarily a situation of downright top heaviness. I mean, who ARE all them folks in the Beaudry buildin’ an’ what is it exactly that they do all day? I know there’s constant talk ‘bout teachers bein’ paid too much fer the supposedly cake-ish job they do, but in relative cost terms, there’s a whole lotter more money bein’ spent in that there downtown girder an’ concrete monument than there is out here in the trenches.
Case in point: I have a friend who quit LAUSD a few years back ter go inter teachin’ at the community college level. Well, a few weeks back he gets a letter in the mail (forwarded, ‘cuz he’s long since moved) from Los Angeles Unified an’ this here letter sez they overpaid him 10,000 dollars!! 10,000 doggone dollars!!
An’ the clincher is that there ain’t no explanation. It’s just a letter sayin’ basically:
“When you werked fer us we done overpaid ya 10,000 dollars. Tell us how you’d like ter pay it back. If you decide not ter pay us, we’ll sue you.”
An’ that’s it. I mean, what in Tarnation is goin’ on with that? 10,000 dollars is like three net paychecks. My friend don’t remember there bein’ no radical overpayments on any of his stubs, so’s it musta been some error that done went on fer a long time. So what LAUSD is sayin’ is that they overpaid him a net amount of 10 grand over some long period of time, an’ then it took someone THREE YEARS ter realize they done overpaid him? And now they gonner come lookin’ ter extract the supposed overpaid amount… with no explanation as ter how it happened… no explanation as ter when it happened… no explanation at all. Is we serious?
I’ll tell ya what I think. Not that you asked, but yer readin’ this so’s I’ll go on an’ tell ya anyhow. I think that in all this budget crisis-ness the District is done gettin’ desperate, an’ ‘stead of coughin’ up at the top, where the money is, they’s done goin’ after the little guy as seems perty typical these days. I mean, how’s my friend gonner work this bit out? Hire a lawyer? Try to face down the Evil Empire? I would put money on the possibility that he ain’t the only target an’ the District is just plannin’ on folks coughin’ it up ‘cuz they don’t even know wheres ter begin to fight it.
An’ I dunno if you’ve heard about the state of California
Anyhow, yeah, top-heavy. That’s what I wuz yakkin’ about.
An’ then there’s the classroom philosophy that’s bein’ passed down the line itself. Didja know that America is one of them few countries in the world where the intent of education is ter behave as if ever single person who comes through the system done has the ability (an’ the assumed desire, mind ya) ter learn just like everybody else. All participants in the education system in America
The American Education system seems ter think so… but then here in California it seems dead set on rammin’ every student through a liberal arts crash course with the intention of turnin’ every one of them inter some sorter super-scholar that is just gonner wanner learn stuff ‘cuz learnin’ makes ya a better person er some such balderdash. At least they better wanna be smart fer their own sake ‘cuz there sure as hell ain’t the job availability that supports the supposed “sky’s the limit” paradigm that keeps gettin’ dangled in front of them like some cosmic carrot.
An’ where technology education is concerned, get this one:
I dunno how well you know what’s goin’ on in Los Angeles Unified, but a few years back the whole schmear decided it wuz gonner join the technology age an’ get itself online. So along came lausd.net an’ now everything is tryin’ ter be accomplished in the world of www. Even roll an’ grades have done moved on over ter the innernut domain an’ we teachers done gotter mark students present er absent online at the beginnin’ of class. Perty swanky an’ technologically savvy I ‘spose, perhaps a doggone down an’ dirty pillar-istic example of acknowledging the importance of technology advancement and its necessity in the workin’s of modern society.
But the problem is that, as with all things California an’ education oriented… an’ magnified manifold within LAUSD itself… it ain’t the top-of-the-line-best-money-can-buy kinda thing you would think the precious denizens of tomorrow would deserve. An’ so, the damn thing is regularly glitchy, runnin’ intolerably slow, er just plain down fer the count.
Students more than ever seem ter not be buyin’ inter the “education in California has yer best interest in mind an’ therefore you oughtter participate willingly becuz all we wanner do is help ya develop the skills ya need ter be successful in life after the education system”, an’ believe me that an on-campus innernut connectivity that is surpassed by the set-up they could access at any friend’s house don’t serve none ter eradicate their doubts. How can they believe that the education system done has their best innerests in mind when it won’t even shell out the money ter insure they’ve got the best possible resources ter help them develop the supposed necessary skills ter move this country inter the 21st century?
Honestly.
An’ then there’s test scores. Did you know that there ain’t no personal accountability fer the mandated test-takin’ student? The government done hands a school-goin’ youth, who prolly don’t wanner be in school ter begin with (I mean, think of all the more fun an’ more desirable things you wanted ter do instead of goin’ ter school when you wuz that age), an’ expects them ter apply themselves at their best possible level… even though there ain’t no intrinsic motivation fer them ter do so? Try tellin’ a school goin’ youth: “You should try yer best at this here evaluative test the government wants ya ter take becuz the government wants ter see how capable you are of bein’ tested on all the information you’s ‘sposed ter be learnin’ in school… but it don’t count fer a grade er nuthin’… just do yer best becuz you should want ter do yer best.”
Yeah… right. Sounds perty plausible that they’s gonner expend maximum effort on some test that don’t determine whether they’s gonner get a good job, get a reward… hell, them tests don’t even determine if’n they can graduate er not. The only one they worry about is the California High School Exit Exam (the CAHSEE) becuz they can’t get their diploma without passin’ it, but many students are so attuned ter the meaningless of governmental evaluations that they can’t even muster the effort ter pass that one the doggone first time around.
An’ my reputation as a good teacher is gonner be determined by whether er not some damn adolescent WANTS ter do their best on some unrewarded test? Come on, now.
So, what else… lessee… oh yeah… in case you don’t know this, the educational institution is perty much a two-fold entity. It has the job of both teachin’ youngin’s content (that’d be the regular ol’ readin’, writin’, arithmetic bizness) AND socialization. Think about it. Where do young people learn ‘bout how ter behave in a place that ain’t home before they move on out inter the outside world if’n it ain’t at school? They’s are ‘sposed ter be exercisin’ their abilities of interaction and performance in a professional environment.
Now, the problem with this here situation that has arisen in recent decades is that my job as a teacher has become more an’ more focused on teachin’ appropriate behavioral practices than it is on teachin’ content. Basically I spend a lotter classroom time tryin’ ter teach them damn kids just plain how’s ter behave in some kinder environment that ain’t “hangin’ with the homies on the street corner”, an’ believe me, they don’t like it one bit. Somehow young folks of today, at least in the urban environment I deal with on a daily basis, ain’t seemin’ ter get any kinder trainin’ in social graces anywheres but in the classroom… an’ on top of that, since they’s KNOW that kinder thing ain’t ‘sposed ter be the responsibility of the classroom, they’s protest and challenge it bein’ taught.
A good example is one of my coworkers’ stories from the other day. She sez some knucklehead comes inter class bein’ rowdy an’ uncouth an’ she admonishes him:
“Please sit down an’ be quiet. Class is about ter start.”
An’ this young feller retorts with:
“What are you talkin’ ‘bout? This is geometry class. You ain’t ‘sposed ter be teachin’ manners!”
Case in point. Just what is these kids doin’ in the time they ain’t bein’ wrangled in the classroom? What kinda behavioral instruction is they getting’ out in the world outside of the educational institution an’ when did it become the educational institution’s primary responsibility ter teach them simple things such as respect, diligence, connectivity, an’ perseverance? An’ who’s let ‘em get away with this ridiculous lack of discipline fer so long that they come ter high school in such a rag tag fashion? When did I become an executor of policy ‘stead of an imparter of knowledge?
Who knows.
I’ll tell ya one thing. I do have a fear fer the future, cuz it ain’t lookin’ ter be as bright as it used ter be.
Hmmm… am I done?
No, wait… I almost fergot ‘bout overcrowdin’. So’s, we all knows of course that over the past few decades the focus of the educational institution (cuz every young person is able ter be brought up ter the same level of skill and ability with just a lil extra effort on the part of educators) has been personalized an’ individual instruction, right? Yup. Educators is ‘sposed ter be makin’ education more effective than ever by spendin’ time with each student as an individual an’ craftin’ the curriculum ter fit like a glove fer the learnin’ needs of each individual student. This is to ensure that every student not only gets an equal shake, but also ter make sure that every student can answer them non-personalized questions on them standardized tests the government (an’ the L.A. Times an’ Daily News) done puts so much value in.
Well, it don’t seem like such a bad idea… but howzit when ya consider that just five years ago it were required in 9th grade that there be a ratio of only 29 ter 1? That’s a lotter students ter try an’ get to on a regular basis within a 56 er 82 minute class period every day. But it ain’t so bad as nowadays where it’s legal ter have a ratio of upwards of 42 ter 1 in the classroom at any grade level. Anyone else think this is startin’ ter undermine the established principle of personalized classroom experience?
Let’s do some math, doggone it. It ain’t my strong point, but I figger this is straightforward enuff that I can work it out fer us. Currently, I teach three 82 minute class periods a day. I’m one of the lucky ones an’ have a class average of ‘bout 35 students. That means that within a single class period, I have ‘bout two and a half minutes a day ter work with each student independently. That’s ‘bout eleven minutes an’ some odd seconds per week that I can devote ter each student individually per week. Well… that duzn’t seem so bad, eh? What am I complainin’ about?
Well, when am I ‘sposed ter teach, doggone it? Say I’s got 410 total minutes available fer each class period per week. That duzn’t seem so bad, right? I mean, even if it takes me five minutes a period per day ter take roll an’ get them doggies settled down an’ werkin’, I still’s got 385 minutes of instructional time a week ter divide ‘tween content an’ addressin’ student needs… yup. Well… how’s ‘bout I be conservative an’ I say I spend twenty minutes er so a day in direct instruction. That werks out ter a hunnerd minutes er so of weekly instructional time, leavin’ me with 285 minutes. That’s still 57 minutes a day I oughtter be able ter focus on independent werk an’ werkin’ with students on an individual basis. Lessee… with an average of 35 students per class, that gives me 1.6 minutes er so per kid per day. Wow. That’s eight minutes per week per student that I oughtter be able ter address all their questions an’ git ‘em up ter speed fer the government expectation that they’s all gonner be Rhodes Scholars an’ make the United States proud beyond comparison with the rest of the world… an’ all on a shoestring budget.
Oh, wait… I fergot that I surrender 69 minutes of classtime a week ter my own required professional development. That’s where us teacher types are required ter go sit in a room with other teacher types an’ discuss how best ter address our student population with the resources we’ve got. Sometimes time well spent… most of the time it’s time just spent. But it adjusts our factorin’… lessee… minus the 69 minutes I get left with 341 minutes of class time… minus that there 25 minutes fer orientin’ everythin’ makes 316… minus the twenty minutes of a period spent directly instructin’ them childrens makes 216 minutes… which leaves a whoppin’ total of six minutes an’ some number of seconds I am able ter focus on each student individually over the course of a week. An’ that ain’t takin’ inter account the nuances of classroom interruptions, behavioral problems, fire an’ earthquake drills, funny schedules fer standardized testin’, students who think it’s alright ter pack up fer leavin’ five minutes ‘fore the bell rings, an’ tryin’ ter squeeze in opportunities fer them ter learn how ter operate at a professional level with one another. An’ don’t even get me started on time allotted fer writin’…
An’ that’s just what I get paid fer. What ‘bout all the gradin’ an’ editin’ an’ course plannin’ an’ whatnot I do when I’m OFF the doggone clock? I dunno. Wouldn’t it just seem ter make sense that maybe, if’n we’s got these high expectations of all our American school children, it would pay ter have a smaller ratio of students ter teachers? I mean, these broods already gots problems just plain knowin’ how ter behave in the educational an’ professional environment, not ter mention a lack of innerest in even the general notion of education. What good duz it do them ter jam ‘em as tight as possible inter a classroom permittin’ this an’ that one ter play avoidance, disruption, an’ ter slip unner the radar if they can mange it?
Seems kinder ridiculous.
Then there’s the “Avoidance of Failure by Deliberately NOT Trying” problem. Look, as the world has gotten bigger an’ harder ter pigeon-hole an’ categorize, it’s also gotten a lot scarier ter the youthful outlook. A hunnerd years ago, supposedly all ya had ter worry ‘bout as a young person wuz whether er not ya groomed yerself an’ had good enuff manners ter be acceptable within the social circle. Acquirin’ enuff vocabulary an’ know-how done went a long ways ter help keep ya from lookin’ like an ignoramus as well, I ‘spose. But today, it almost seems that if’n ya don’t know what a computer mainframe is, er how fast (in kilometers per hour) the Earth rolls ‘round the Sun, it’s made out that yer gonner be a gigantic social failure.
Let’s face it, test scores is getting’ waved in students’ faces aller the time, alertin’ them I ‘spose ter how little they ‘sposedly know (an’ this is aside from the fact that test scores is gettin’ waved in teachers’ faces aller the time supposedly alertin’ them ter what bad teachers they is). Imagine if you wuz some kid who has been born inter a world that’s just plain too big ter get yer head ‘round, an’ on top of that you’s bein’ told constantly what a failure you is an’ how there ain’t no future fer you in modern society lessin’ you shape up an’ learn EXACTLY how ter use a semicolon… you wanner know what these youngin’s do when a test comes along then? I’ll tell you. They’s just don’t do it.
Yup. You read that right. They just don’t take that test, the results of which might further damage their self-esteem an’ let ‘em know again just what a giant failure they is when stood up against the government’s expectation that they needs ter be scholarly superhumans. These are the students who put their heads down before the test even starts, play eenie-meenie-miney-moe with the bubble-in answer sheet, cause disruptions in the testing environment so they’s can escape… there are even some creative enuff ter create dot-matrix-ish pictures outer the bubble answers available ter them.
What’s the point of such behavior you might ask? Well, the point for them is that if they don’t take the test seriously (or even take it at all) they can always say, “I didn’t fail that test. It was lame. I didn’t even bother trying. Those results prove nothing about my scholarly abilities.”
Yup. Can you even get yer head ‘round that one?
Alright… I’m ‘bout done. Here’s some comedic pictures addressin’ my most irritatin’ classroom pet peeves. They’s perty self explanatory.
-Squeezebox Sam
o’s the other day, The Omen O’Brien duz me the favor of drivin’ me on over ter COSTCO ter pick up some paper towels, some bottled water, an’ some ass-wipe.
ith tryin’ ter follow the Biblical scale exodus over ter Facebook that the online populace done seems ter have been makin’ over the past year I been a right busy bee.